The Debate of the Pet
by Muse Scroll
Summary: When Umbridge attempts to call Ryou a pet, she is humiliated quite thoroughly by, of all people, an American foreign exchange student. Disclaimer: I own neither series.


**A/N:** Okay, so I was reading Hawaiinbabidoll's story, "London Shadow Mage", and this randomly popped into my head. They gave me permission to write this up. Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>The Dispute of the "Pet"<strong>_

Just another normal day in Hogwarts... well, not including the _abomination_ that was Professor Umbridge. Why "abomination"? Just because. Actually, one student was going to have a lot of fun torturing her. He was muggle-born, and had ended up in Gryffindor a few years ago, but the most important aspect of him was thus – he was American. So he had a whole different slew of references to make. So imagine his surprise when a Ryou Bakura was brought into the castle, and he found out said duelist was close friends with Harry. Sure, this teenage American was also friends with Harry, but this was different.

"I don't believe it!" The American said, accent making it obvious what his nationality was, and his very method of speaking making it clear he was proud of who he was. Ryou blinked.

"Uhh... don't believe what?" Ryou asked, confused.

"Oh, Ryou," Harry said, realizing he had yet to introduce the red-headed teenager. Was he another Weasley? "This is Kitora Richardson."

"Which means I am _not_ another Weasley," Kitora said, before grinning as he held out his hand for a shake, which Ryou accepted.

"Ryou Bakura," The duelist greeted with a smile.

"I thought so!" Kitora said, making Ryou blink in confusion. "Ryou Bakura, one of the top five duelists in the world, as of the Battle City Tournament! Am I right?"

Ryou blushed at being recognized.

"Muggles duel?" Ron asked with confusion. "How do they do it without magic?"

Kitora grinned, watching as Ryou's face lit up at the question. Clearly this was one of his more favorite topics.

"It's a non-magical card game," Kitora corrected. The professional duelist noted the American's refusal to use the term 'muggle'. Perhaps he had a dislike for the word? "And it's really fun."

"Wait, you play?" Ryou asked Kitora, whom smirked and nodded.

"I'm not very good, but I duel a little bit. Why, you wanna play?"

"I haven't played in ages!" Kitora laughed.

"Then we should be able to play during breakfast," The American said, accent still obvious. Ryou finally decided to ask, blushing a bit at how rude the question seemed.

"Are you, uh... American?" Ryou asked. Kitora grinned.

"And proud of it!" Kitora agreed without hesitation. "Harry should be able to show you how to get to the Great Hall for breakfast with his friends, so I doubt they need my help. I need to go get my deck, anyway. Unless, of course, they need my help in avoiding trouble."

Kitora said this last part with a smirk at the trio, whom blushed. The American laughed politely, before turning around and dashing back up to Gryffindor tower, where his cards were. It only took a couple of minutes, before he was sitting across from Ryou, and shuffling.

"You put your cards in covers?" Ryou asked, noting the black-backed cards. Kitora nodded.

"I don't like ruining the cards, so I bought the covers to protect them," He said, before he held out his deck. "Cut or tap?"

Ryou furrowed his brow, "Um... sorry?"

Kitora blinked, before realizing what he did and blushed.

"Sorry, it's automatic at this point," The American explained. "Back home, we always offer to cut or tap each other's decks. It's just a formality between my friends and I, really."

Ryou nodded, "So what was it? 'Cut or tap'?"

Kitora nodded, explaining calmly about it. The duelists in a given game would hold their decks out to their opponents, and ask the aforementioned question. Then the opponent would either cut the deck, or tap it. For simplicity's sake, Ryou and Kitora went with tapping. As the game started, schedules already handed out, the professional let the American go first. Kitora reached to draw for the first turn – and blinked when his hand brushed the table. Looking, he noticed something rather odd – his deck was gone.

"Hey!" He said, turning sharply and quickly. He found the abomination, Umbridge, standing there holding his deck. "Professor Umbridge, do you mind? We were just about to start!"

"Start what, my boy?" She asked, voice sickeningly sweet. Ryou fought the urge to shudder from it.

"_Do you want me to add her to your collection, Yadunoshi?"_

Ryou frowned. No, he didn't want that. The Spirit of the Ring scoffed, prepared to go through with it.

"We were about to start playing, Professor," Kitora said matter-of-factly. "It's a non-magical card game."

"Now, I can't have you using these foolish items," Umbridge scolded, her voice clearly showing how much she enjoyed doing this. "After all, these images are absolutely frightening! I can't imagine what they do to the mind of children your age."

"_If she thinks _those_ pictures are scary, then wait until she goes through my game,"_ Bakura chuckled darkly.

"_Please don't, Koe!"_ Ryou begged, but something else occurred before the Spirit even got to force his host to relinquish control. What was this something? Well, it involved the pink toad, and a young, American teen that was a practiced member of the drama club back at home.

"Oh," Kitora said softly, eyes changing to gain a sad, 'I'm-Sorry-For-Your-Condition' look. Considering that everyone in the Great Hall was watching – who wouldn't watch Umbridge talk to another student? – he thought this would be _fun_. "I... I had no idea, Professor..."

Umbridge blinked, unsure of how to respond. Ryou and Spirit paused in their own conversation, still sitting down, hand still holding five cards.

"I... I didn't know that you would be afraid of..." Kitora paused for only a second, glancing at the card she was viewing. It was _very_ difficult for him to not grin as he was doing this, but he was trained. Drama club had its positives. "Of little pictures on paper."

The entire student body, including the other teachers, were watching with severe intensity. What in the world was this American doing? Umbridge, at the student's statement, was about to retort – but the American was faster. Clearly, he was more practiced at this than she was, and for that matter, anybody in the hall.

"I... I mean, it's completely understandable... being afraid of Marshmallon..." Kitora continued. Bakura howled with laughter, Ryou fighting to not do the same. "But... it's okay, Professor. He's just a picture on a piece of paper... but then again, because you seem to be afraid of him, then... that must be what you're afraid of, isn't it? Pictures on paper?"

The teachers were unsure if they should stop the student. Umbridge was trying to decide whether to be enraged or confused.

"It's okay, Professor Umbridge," Kitora said softly, gently, kindly. He leaned forward, standing slowly as he reached for his deck. He easily pried it from her hands. Clearly she was too confused to focus on keeping them in her grip. "Ryou and I can play our pictures on paper game elsewhere, in a place where you won't suffer from your fear. Shall we, Ryou?"

Ryou, forcing a sad look into his eyes, nodded solemnly and gathered up his deck. Bakura, in the back of his head, was struggling to focus on the scene, he was laughing so much. The DADA teacher looked back at the other teachers, clearly hoping for some assistance in taking care of this. When she wasn't looking, Kitora's finger dipped into his cup of water, and when Umbridge looked back, he seemed to be crying. Clearly she didn't know the Water-Drops-Make-Great-Fake-Tears trick.

"Don't worry, professor," Kitora told Umbridge softly, the water droplets sliding down his cheeks. "We'll pray for your recovery from this phobia. May the Lord bless you and help you through this."

With that, the American solemnly walked out of the Great Hall, leaving behind many bewildered and entertained people. When Umbridge decided to leave for her classroom, trying to decide on how she felt on the scene, she was too distracted to notice the howls of laughter erupting from the students and teachers.

"H-How'd you do that?" Ryou asked Kitora, both of them walking to the Gryffindor Tower. The American was smiling smugly.

"I'm in the drama club back home," Kitora explained. "And I've been in shows every summer for almost ten years."

Ryou grinned, agreeing for once with the Spirit's near-endless laughter. Clearly the thief was no longer bored.

"_Of course I'm no longer bored, Yadunoshi,"_ The Spirit admonished between laughs. _"This mortal clearly knows how to entertain! Keep an eye on him, I want to see more of this."_

They reached the Gryffindor Tower, where they proceeded to complete their duel from earlier.

_1234567890987654321_

"I never asked you," Harry asked Ryou and Kitora, as they headed to DADA with Umbridge. "How well did you do against Ryou?"

"To put it succintly," Kitora said. "He kicked my ass."

Ryou blushed, "I wasn't that good."

"So says the winner."

The talking stopped as they finally arrived at the right classroom, Kitora going to sit up close to the front. He did it only because it was habit back home. Now, the main reason he was so skilled in hiding his reactionary emotions, was through practice and through maturity. Back in America, it was understood that children needed time to allow their magic to mature; so, back there, schools for wizards and witches started at a much later age. Unfortunately, the applications had been closed when Kitora had reached the right age, but with Hogwarts open, he had come here instead. Of course, being from America, as stated earlier, he also had a completely different way to react to things. This was no more evident in this class due to what Umbridge said next.

"I do not allow pets in my class, Mr. Potter," She said silkily. Glancing back, Kitora noticed Harry look around, before his fists clenched – and then the American understood. Umbridge meant Ryou, and suddenly, an idea appeared in Kitora's head – and his hand shot up.

"Uhh... Professor, I'm confused," Kitora said, standing and looking back there. He made the action of trying to see behind Ryou. "Where are there pets?"

Umbridge frowned and pointed at Ryou. Kitora looked from her, to Ryou, then back.

"I still don't see any pets, professor," He confirmed.

"The pet is right there!" Umbridge exclaimed. Kitora looked in Ryou's direction for several moments.

"Where, behind Ryou?"

"No, the pet _is_ Mr. Bakura!"

"...Your pet has the same name as Ryou?" Kitora blinked. "Okay, I knew that Ryou had fan-girls, but it's kinda... odd... that you'd be one, Professor..."

Despite being the butt of that joke and blushing as a result, Ryou was struggling to not laugh the way the Spirit in his head was. Umbridge gave a low growl.

"No, you foolish child, I'm saying that the pet is right _there_!" Umbridge pointed, again, at Ryou.

"...So your pet is invisible?" Kitora deduced. "_And_ you named it after Ryou?"

Umbridge grit her teeth.

"The pet _is_ Mr. Bakura!"

"Okay, I understand that your pet has the same name as Ryou, but where is he? I don't still don't see him!"

"_He's right there!_" Umbridge said through gritted teeth.

"Okay, look, professor," Kitora said, finally turning back to her. "I can hear you saying words, but its like they don't match up in a way that makes sense... are you alright? Did you have a stroke or something?"

Umbridge's face was flushed with anger, but at least the class was no longer dull. Man, that American sure knew how to entertain a class...

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><p><strong>AN:** That last bit was an idea I got from "RedvsBlue", Season 6. That season holds a similar exchange between Sarge and Simmons, on the topic of Grif being a Sargeant, something which Sarge is (apparently) physically incapable of accepting. So I used that idea here. Review!


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